When one window closes, another one opens, or so they say. But you must have an open mind and be willing to move on. Many do not possess this gift. They die throwing themselves upon the rocks of life, never realizing, that opportunity never knocks. Opportunity is carved from one’s mind and forged from thy will.
However, there are certain paths of opportunity that fade from this world and many are being closed off, due to the internet and the digital age. You won’t see the milkman knocking on your door anytime soon, because his days are past. The same can be said for the author of long form writing. His days are numbered. The internet has changed the way people read and his audience diminishes everyday, while his competition grows with every day. Verily, one day his time shall also pass.
I have never been one to easily lay down my sword. I spent 5 years of my life pursuing the dream of novelist. In 2010, Little Moments of Truth was published. With almost no fanfare and many copies given away. I did not quit, I choose to keep swinging and looked for a more mighty sword to swing. I looked at the genre that was my strength. I looked at horror and tried to re-define it. I sought to do something that required strength of character and a willingness to be open to new ideas. I failed at this task. The world wants what it wants. For every step forward in progress, humanity takes a few steps back. This is, as it is and shall always be. Humans are creatures of comfort, and as such, shall always fight that which threatens to take us out of our comfort zone. Change…we fight in vain, for it is part of existence. It flows through all life and must be accepted, in order to be defeated.
A pragmatic man accepts and understands the phrase,” Dreams that have shattered, may not have mattered.'(Ozzy Osbourne-Believer) For most certainly this is true. True to the core. True as anything can be in this world. When one accepts, and deeply grasps this concept, their life opens up in new ways; for they are able to see that a shattered dream is just that…fragmented glass upon the ground. One must sweep it up and find another window to look out of.
My current illness has had its grip upon me for more than a month now. It has given me much time to consider these things. I can assure all the readers out there, that this is not drugs or illness, now speaking through me. It is well perceived, pure thought. The kind of thinking one rarely finds in life. The kind of thinking that can only be derived from seclusion and seriousness of mind. The kind of thought that only be found in serenity.
My conclusion is that I have finally seen, that the time to sheath my sword has arrived, and it is time to move on to the next battle. The battle for long form writing has ended. It is a boat with too many passengers and not enough rowers. I have jumped into the life raft and now paddle toward another destination. I refuse to just sit upon the ocean of life and wait for rescue. I know none will come. My only hope for rescue is myself. It is the way it always has been and that is rightfully so. While I may, from time to time, revisit the memory of this shattered dream, I will seek a new direction of focus. I realize living in the past is never a good thing, but on the same token, I also know that our past should never be forgotten. Our past is a part of us, always and forever.
I then, looked to my strengths to find an answer, as to which direction to paddle and found one that had been set aside for far too long. What I found was my lifelong love of video games. It is something I have watched grow up in my lifetime. I realized, I not only watched it grow up, I participated in its growth. From the moment as a young child, that I held a controller in my hands and played Pong. From the years I spent mastering and defeating games. From the moment I held arcade records and sent many a teenager home crying for attention. I was a part of a new thing and am now an integral part of its existence. Surely, there can be no better reason to go down a path, than the love and knowledge of its inner light.
Thus I shall embark upon this new path and direction. I am comfortable in my knowledge that my writing skills shall become an asset to the gaming industry and community. I happy to have found another dream that I am completely familiar with and have a deep passion for. I am also saddened that my time with novels is now a sideline project, but I am also appreciative of the few fans who supported my efforts. Your support meant more to me than you will ever know or comprehend. Know this, my family never supported my artistic endeavors, while complete strangers gave me their heart. You may be part of my past (and hopefully a part of my future) but you will NEVER be forgotten. You saved my life when all I wanted to do was die. That kind of giving is so rare in this world. Thank you for reminding me it still exists! Thank you for letting view out the window of a novelist. Thank you for being what I needed, but did not know I needed.
Until next time I type…
JB Thomas(former novelist, now hopeful game reviewer)