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A contemplation…half scattered thoughts evolve and spin within my mind. They sometimes grab my attention. Sometimes not so much. But when they do, I follow them, explore, and envelope myself in their tattered rags. Delving down into the luminescent depths to bring forth a light. A glow of intelligent thought to grasp within the great tides of life.

Memories upon memories crowd upon each other, like imbeciles stampeding at the first sign of danger. They fill up my mind with their songs of yesterday, while at the same time lucid thoughts fight for control. A damning proof of their fragility. Robust in the fight but short in endurance. Like an old man trying to rise from a chair, they are.

A plan, a plot, a scheme, a design for some such universe, maybe others. Is there such a thing? Perhaps it is rather speculation or the mind playing games. Trying to put together pieces of a puzzle that never existed to begin with. Is it not an ambition beyond the limits of any living thing? Madness from beginning to end wrapped in a coat of illusion. A subtle dream, that has no more substance, than the mist in the vale. Our own mind guilty of the same thing our eyes are accused of. Creating shape or form out of vague allusions.

If it is not a trick of the mind, then why must I ask? Should not the evidence of what is and what shall be, be apparent enough to answer this very basic question. Mayhap, mayhap not. While it should be and is understood, that most things are not as they seem, a general direction should have at least been culled by now. ‘Tis not confusion which throws the mind in turmoil. More like a breeze which slips between the fingers again and again. The answer seems like it should be in plain sight, yet is as far away, as the most distant of suns. Why am I here still? A simple question indeed.

I am not afraid of any answers…for my suspicions are far worse than anything the universe may lay before me. It is more the sinking feeling…that I somehow won’t know the answer when I see it.

JB

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