As a writer I often find myself trying to draw a line between myself the writer and the real me. I think many people are guilty of this type of behavior on the internet. But I also do this type of thing in real life.
The reasons for this are various and many. I spent a good portion of my life being back-stabbed and led astray of my dreams and goals, by family and friends. For many years, I simply was not me. I was what I thought everyone wanted me to be. Then along the way I discovered that who they wanted me to be was a drunk, pot-smoking, drug-taking idiot, who only gave a fuck about one thing…the party.
One day I woke up and realized the years were slipping by and I had nothing to show for it. I had started many things but never completed any of them. I just drifted from one thing to the next, floating in a never-ending stream of altered reality. I knew things had to change or I was going to leave this world without accomplishing anything of note. I knew with my creative mind and intelligence, that this would be an incredibly stupid thing for me to let happen.
But the problem with things of this nature is similar to digging a hole. Once a hole is dug it either must have something deposited into it and then be covered back up, or it must be filled, so no one falls into it. My life had become that empty hole and either I had to lay down and die, or claw my way back up out of it.
Having a wife and kids did not seem to help the matter, in fact, they just made the hole deeper. They were just more responsibility and more things for me to make mistakes with. While it is true that mistakes lead to wisdom, you must have ways to make this newfound wisdom useful. That is the point where creativity comes in. Yet, doing this with a fogged mind, mired down by responsibility and guilt, is the the path of choice.
It was not until a lucid thought that came to my mind that I finally woke up. My many years of searching for what lies beyond this lifetime finally gave me something of value. It is quite simple really. There are so many religions in this world, one has to at some point realize they can’t all be right, obviously. When following this line of reasoning, you come to realize that the inverse may true too.
Every religion on the planet could be wrong. This is a very hard truth to accept and most will not. In fact, since I am being honest, this is what separates the achievers from the common people. They see this as the truth. They know and I know only one thing is certain and guaranteed in any lifetime. WE WILL ALL DIE SOMEDAY. That’s it. There are no other guarantees that life offers.
Once this simple realization was accepted by me, I began to finish things. Musical ideas went from idea to completion, poems got completed, pictures got edited and I finally got away from the family and friends, that had dragged me down for all those years. I finally woke up.
So here we are now, an awake JB with no family or friends, who creates but seems to have no one paying attention or supporting his efforts. Yes, I realize there are some out there who have been extremely supportive of my efforts. Honestly though, you would think after 3 CDs and 3 novels, and more poems, poetic writings, and articles, than I care to take the time to count, that I would have gained more traction. In complete honesty, I must admit that for a while now, I have been completely unmotivated to create much of anything.
Of course, my illness has played a huge role in this lull in creativity but it is not the underlying reason. When one has bills piling up, while his wife is working multiple jobs to keep things afloat, and your work is not paying you, then there is going to be a lack of motivation and ultimately, stress and frustration. It simply cannot be helped. It is part of being human. If people do not receive rewards for their work, they won’t work. Honestly, would you work for free?
There is nothing easy about creating. Creating takes forethought, planning, plotting, and last but not least, lots of time. Geez! Any parent on the planet should know this. Creating anything is much like having a baby. You must CONCEIVE the idea. You must NURTURE it. You must PLAN for its eventual arrival and it environment. You must PLOT together the structure in which you desire to raise it. You must be ready to DELIVER it to this world.
Destruction is easy but creation is never easy. Creation is the hardest job on this planet, my friends. This I can say with complete knowledge because of having worked over 35 different jobs in my lifetime.
I think maybe I may have wondered a little astray of what the purpose of this post is supposed to be about. But heck, it does not hurt if we stop to smell the roses a little, right?
So let’s continue…
Now that I have spoken the truth of what is the underlying reason for my lack of creativity, as of late, we can move on to what can be done to solve this issue. In a previous article of mine I mentioned how creators used to be paid in the olden days. They had patrons. These are simply people who enjoyed their work and wanted to show their appreciation and support by helping them pay their bills, put food in their mouths, and so forth. At the time that I mentioned it, I had no clue that there exists a site that does this very thing.
In return for the support, the artists, creators, authors, give their patrons “special” things such as early drafts of chapters, first listen to songs, credits in the creations, special live events, tutorials, and so forth. You get the idea.
When I realized this was a possibility I had to think really hard on it, to be honest. I kind of like that little wall between me and others. It keeps me safe. It keeps me warm and fuzzy. But I now have a mound of medical bills screaming at me. They are telling me either I must pay them or force my wife to work two jobs for even longer.
I do not like things screaming at me. It does not make me feel safe, nor warm, nor fuzzy. Therefore, it seems I am at a point that I must decide whether I wish to sink or swim.
I think the choice is obvious. I will choose to pull back the magic curtain and let others peer inside, in the hope that once that curtain comes apart, I will greeted with applause and not boos.
For now, I think I have given enough honesty for this day. It is your turn…would you be interested in supporting a creator who will give you special access and credit in their works? Share your thoughts and be honest!!!
As a final note, even though this should be obvious, I am not looking to become wealthy or famous. My only desire is to get paid for my work and ruin the underlying reason of my lack of creativity. Of course, if I am able to have my wife at home more often, that would certainly be more motivation to create.
I await your words and thoughts…