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I have not made it clear to anyone exactly what has been going on. I have mentioned to a few brief things like “infection” and “antibiotics”.

I think the time has come for me to come clean of just how bad it really is.

On December 19th, of last year, I awoke to crushing pain in my nose. It felt as if someone had slammed a sledgehammer into my nose. I went to the hospital. I was diagnosed with acute sinusitis and given pain killers and antibiotics. The pain killers evaporated and the antibiotics consumed, but the pain remained. It should be noted that this diagnosis was made without the aid of a single test. This becomes very important later.

After the first round of antibiotics, the pain seemed to diminish but it came back. Thus I took another trip to the hospital. This time they did a chest X-ray and then just prescribed me some $330 script for more antibiotics. I wasted the money on them and within 3 days could no longer stand the pain they were causing me, not to mention, they weren’t doing anything to improve my existing pain.

I then decided that the hospitals were not going to try to help me, simply because I have no health insurance. I went to a doctor after the waste of money on expensive antibiotics that made me wish I was dead. I explained the first antibiotics seemed to of done some good but did not finish the job. Instead, the doctor prescribed me 2 other classes of antibiotics and 3 different antibiotics before I gave up on the Doctor. Again it should be mentioned, not a single blood test or culture was taken.

I next went to a E.N.T. (Ear, nose and throat) Specialist. He put me back on the original antibiotics seeming to realize that the first ones worked but there simply may not have been enough of them. He even attempted a culture but since I had just stopped taking the last antibiotics, that was failed attempt.

I remained on this last antibiotic for a total of 23 days. At first it seemed to improve things, and then like the previous time I took it, progress just seemed to stop. Finally, I had to stop taking it because it gave me Thrush. Now I currently have this new infection and whatever this is, has not went away.

The real truth of the matter is, that what I originally had and still have, probably is not an infection. More than likely, it either Cancer or some other very bad disease related to my many years of smoking. The pain in my ears, nose, and throat does seem to get worse as the day goes on, and infections do not do that.

I am scheduled to re-visit this last specialist on Friday and will insist on a culture and blood tests. I fear the worse, for the least had been considered and been wrong. Perhaps my post about dying was more prophetic than it appeared to be.

So now that you know what is going on with me, do you feel good for having ignored me? Abandoning me? Probably not and the truth is, I am not sure that I care. I am more concerned with having to lose my best friend, cigarettes, than what anyone else does. Yes, cigarettes have treated me better than most every other friend I have ever had. That speaks volumes for the quality of my life and my friends.

I care not that I might die from this. I care more about the why it is so. The sadness that fills my heart is because it was my family that lead me down this path and my friends who abandoned me, that kept me there. Hard to keep living when everyone around you makes you feel like you deserve to die.

I hope this post has given others insight into my crappy life and they have learned something about this world. I only wish I did not have to be the lesson.

Take care and be good to each other.

JB

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