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Why must I? Tell me, why must I give and share, to a world that bullied me all the way through school, and has taught me nothing but how much they hate me?

Do you think they will get better? Do you think they will improve without your words?

Why must you answer my question with a question? I suppose the potential is there but then again, most ignorant people like to remain that way, so they can justify in their minds, the evil and mean things they do to others.

But if there is a chance, to help even just a few realize, shouldn’t you proceed?

Since you seem to be so fond of questions, let me return the favor. How is writing a few books, in my last days upon this planet, ever going to make up for the fact I was tramatized for more than 10 years, everyday? How are these books and songs going to erase all the nightmares I still suffer from today? How will any of it matter when I am gone? Even my wife shall forget about me, as she seems to forget everything I have said to her over the course of 25 yrs. Shouldn’t I just say fuck the world, like they have done to me, for more years than I care to remember?

You already know the answers to these questions, but I will happily remind you. The books and songs you create will benefit you in no way, shape, or form. They will not remove your nightmares or erase even one iota of the trama you suffered. The books and music are not for this generation to learn from, they are for future generations. There is no way to return to the past and change things, and even if you could go back, it still would not change the people. Your wife may not remember anything you have said but that does not mean she will completely forget you.

You seem to have forgotten how my very own family treated me. I was easily forgotten by them, when I chose to distance myself from their negativity and cruelty. Even my own kids, flesh of my flesh, have either forgotten or forsaken me. It seems nothing I have ever done has been the right thing; the good thing. That being the case, how can I be certain that sharing my creations, with a world that has abused and hated me my entire life, is the right thing to do? It stands to reason if everything else I have done in the past was wrong, then this would be wrong also.

While what you say has alot of logic, much is missing from this story. Just because few people have ever taken the time to get to know you or even give you half a chance, does not mean that would be the case with everyone. Granted, the over abundance of evidence shows the opposite,but that does not make it true. Just because people have happily passed the blame onto you for everything that has ever went wrong, does not mean they were right in doing so. It just proves that many people cannot accept the blame, for their own actions.

Even if everything you say is true, it still does not justify rewarding bad behavior. Torture, bullying, lying, stealing, cruelty, backstabbing, and other kinds of bad behavior should NEVER be rewarded. Certainly you cannot argue with facts as clear as that?

You’re right! I cannot agree more. Anyone who treats anyone else like that, should never be rewarded. However, people who have done those things to you in the past, are now gone. You, or time, has cast them from your life. They can no longer hurt you, even if they still yet haunt you.

True, those of the past cannot physically harm me but the mental wounds shall always remain. I will always be alone and trust nobody because I’m too afraid, because of what the people of the past, have shown me. Furthermore, I have noticed that once a mean or evil person is removed from my life, another quickly replaces them. It seems my punishment for being born will never end.

I wish I could tell you that things will change, but I cannot. For I am you and you are me. We both know from past experience it will not change. You can either accept this fact and have hope that someday will actually arrive, or you can decide on a different path. I will say this though, if keep your creativity to yourself to punish the world for their treatment of you, then you shall be no better than them.

Who says I must be better than them? Why? I have not read any cosmic rule that says I must. Fact is, I already gave up 22 yrs. of my life raising kids, who proved to me, that I should not have bothered. Have I not given enough? At what point, can I say I have given enough? At what point, will I be better than them and let the madness, that is my life…end?

You already know those answers. You know you can quit at anytime and leave the world as it is. You know that no matter how much you leave behind, your life will never be vindicated. You know that in the grand scheme of things, all of us are nothing more than a quirk, in a vast universe, and that someday whatever you have created will be gone, with the rest of humanity. You already know that humanity is short-sighted and it will be this weakness that ends their existence. You already know that the rich control everything and will continue to plunder the earth for its resources, because people are not brave enough to take back the planet, from the greedy. You already know that humanity cares more about its pride, than peace. Knowing all this means, you already know that in the end, none of it really matters. The only thing that matters is what you can say on your deathbed, that will give you peace. The only question left is, can you quit now and be at peace on your deathbed?

I do not know…

(To be continued)

J.B.

 

 

 

 

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