I suppose, there are times when you want to go out the front door and just scream. Scream at the top of lungs…scream so loud that maybe the heavens would shake and the some of the stars would fall. Yeah, I suppose sometimes everyone has the notion of doing such a thing.
This idea appeals to me right now; it calls me, beckons me with its offer of release. Yet, I must refrain from doing so. I know I must, because to give in is to also embrace something else which I know this idea holds. That is madness. Yes, true unfettered and complete madness and while it might seem at times, like I of all people, might have more than just a casual knowledge of this subject, let me assure you right now, even I my friends, have a line drawn. I know that crossing that line will not only lead me down a path filled with destruction and chaos, both of which I do not mind playing with from time to time, but it will also lead to my own demise. Obviously, that is not a direction which I am desiring to go. I have not reached that point yet. So I must refrain from stepping out and screaming. I must refrain from embracing the madness. For a moment, I must sit back and try not to take the occurrences of yesterday personally.
In my words, to this small piece of cyberspace, I rarely ever type things of a private nature. The large number of reasons for this should be fairly obvious to most anyone, thus I will not go into those. Suffice it to say that on those rare occasions, when I delved in private matters, they have often been cloaked behind words of a poetic nature and thus their meanings were not obvious and clear to interpretation. That is not going to be what happens today. I will not be using any cloaks. I will not be using any mist. No flowery words or sentences composed with rhymes. I believe today the message would be better served without the nice silver cover, much like a home cooked meal.
Yesterday I received a phone call. It was from one of the school principals and I was given information. The kind of information no parent wants to hear. The kind of information that breaks your heart while simultaneously making you want to rip every hair out of your head. I was told my son had been stealing from the school and from other kids. I was also told my son had some of his things stolen. Luckily, the only good thing in this whole matter, was everything my child had stolen was able to be returned, thus we had to bear no financial hardship and he was not arrested. However, everything stolen from my son was NOT returned and thus, he lost $500-$600 worth of stuff. Although the financial and possession aspects of this situation are not that important in this, I felt it important to disclose all the facts.
The real of the heart of the matter is what this means to the parent who has to face the hard, cold facts that his child has become a liar and thief; that his son has now found his way down a dark path that offers no rewards and is hard to escape. When hearing news of such a nature, one begins asking questions. Of course, there are going to be questions; a lot of them and questions are not always a good thing. Some questions we are not going to like the answers we receive. But they must be asked and answered. We cannot help but to do so, for we are human and it is in our nature.
What did I do wrong? Did I not spank him enough? Did I not try to teach him good values? Was I there enough for him? and of course, what can I do now to fix this/him? These are just a small slice of the many endless questions that arise when something of this nature happens to your child. The problem with all of these questions is that you are not only seeking to qualm any guilty feelings you might have but you are also taking the deeds of your child as a personal attack against yourself. Certainly children are a reflection of their parents but they are not exact copies and the parent cannot be blamed for everything a child of theirs does, especially if what the child has done, runs the opposite direction of everything you have tried to teach them. The parent must sit back and try not to take the actions of their child personally. There is no other real choice in this. You will not be able to think clearly and this will only lead to bad decisions being made.
Yes, I still want to step out my front door and scream at the world. Scream at the top of my lungs! But I know this would not change anything. In fact, I realize that at the age of 15, there is nothing I can say to him that he would listen to and therefore, there is simply nothing I can do to change him from his path. The choice of right or wrong, good or evil, life or death, is now a choice he will have to make for himself. While he decides, I will sit back, try not to take it personally and hope in the end, he makes the right decision.
Now that my fingers ache, nearly as much as my heart does from the disappointment of all this, it is time for me to go.
©2011 J.B. Thomas